Also, boys: Random Girls On The Internet Do Not Want to Have Sex With You
Note: This is a work of humor. It completely does not reflect on how I am in real life or what I actually think of people. I was in a particularly snarky mood when I wrote it many years ago. I keep it up now because some people still find it funny and send me messages telling me so about once a month. But with that said, if you like it, woohoo! If you don’t like it, I’m sorry.
So, I know you’re thinking to yourself, “Self, there are so many profiles on OKCupid. How am I to ever really know what they all mean?”
Well, I am here to save you. I have compiled my many, many months of OKCupid experience and boiled them all down into a few simple tables for you, to help you with your profile-browsing experience.